It's a beautiful day for a hangover
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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