I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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