I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
