i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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