She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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