hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
