RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
