Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
