You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
