Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
