my vag is so smooth its legendary
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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