Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
