I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
