Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
