I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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