nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She bit a glass in half.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
