i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
