you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
