i already hear my dad disowning me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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