my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
