Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
