Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
