This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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