that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
