I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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