Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
