So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
