The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
