I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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