haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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