Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just high enough for therapy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
