Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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