She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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