i just wanna soil my oats bro
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
