a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
