U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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