The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
