omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
