I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
