Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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