we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
