headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
