i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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