All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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