Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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