imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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