he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
