just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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