her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
