Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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