Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
