you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
